13 Reasons Why: Talking Points for Parents and Educators

I'm sure you've heard all the hype about Netflix's 13 Reason's Why. It's a story about a girl named Hannah Baker who commits suicide and leaves behind a series of cassette tapes to explain why she killed herself.

I've watched the series and one thing that bothers me is the  (SPOILERS)  very ineffectual help the main character received when she went to her school counselor. The guy was really out of his depth and I do not think it was a fair portrayal of what kids should expect when they reach out for help. Is it possible that somewhere there are people in these positions that are really not suited/trained as they should be? Sadly, I have to admit that there probably are. But they are the rare exception and not what kids should expect to encounter.

All that being said, I worry, I do truly worry about the world we live in today and how easy it is to bully in our cyber society. I am so glad I didn't grow up in it. But my daughter is and it scares the crap out of me.

 

Below are some talking points and some PDF documents that you can download to help you discuss 13 Reasons Why with your kids, if you choose to watch it with them. I think it's an important show for parents to watch, even if they don't watch it with their kids.  Your kids are going to be exposed to it one way or another even if it's just through conversations with other kids.  Make sure you know what's going on and that you can be there to guide them through.  I hope you find this helpful.

 

(For those who don't watch, try the 10 Tips for Parents PDF)

​God bless and keep you all!

 

If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide:

• Text START to 741-741
• Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

​TALKING POINTS FOR 13 Reasons Why:

• 13 Reasons Why is a fictional story based on a widely known novel and is meant to be a cautionary tale.
• You may have similar experiences and thoughts as some of the characters in 13RW. People often identify with characters they see on TV or in movies. However, it is important to remember that there are healthy ways to cope with the topics covered in 13RW and acting on suicidal thoughts is not one of them.
• If you have watched the show and feel like you need support or someone to talk to- reach out. Talk with a friend, family member, a counselor, or therapist. There is always someone who will listen.
• Suicide is not a common response to life’s challenges or adversity. The vast majority of people who experience bullying, the death of a friend, or any other adversity described in 13RW do not die by suicide. In fact, most reach out, talk to others and seek help or find other productive ways of coping. They go on to lead healthy, normal lives.
• Suicide is never a heroic or romantic act. Hannah’s suicide (although fictional) is a cautionary tale, not meant to appear heroic and should be viewed as a tragedy.
• It is important to know that, in spite of the portrayal of a serious treatment failure in 13RW, there are many treatment options for life challenges, distress and mental illness. Treatment works.
• Suicide affects everyone and everyone can do something to help if they see or hear warning signs that someone is at risk of suicide.
• Talking openly and honestly about emotional distress and suicide is ok. It will not make someone more suicidal or put the idea of suicide in their mind. If you are concerned about someone, ask them about it.
• Knowing how to acknowledge and respond to someone who shares their thoughts of emotional distress or suicide with you is important. Don’t judge them or their thoughts. Listen. Be caring and kind. Offer to stay with them. Offer to go with them to get help or to contact a crisis line.
• How the guidance counselor in 13RW responds to Hannah’s thoughts of suicide is not appropriate and not typical of most counselors. School counselors are professionals and a trustworthy source for help. If your experience with a school counselor is unhelpful, seek other sources of support such as a crisis line.
• While not everyone will know what to say or have a helpful reaction, there are people who do, so keep trying to find someone who will help you. If someone tells you they are suicidal, take them seriously and get help.
• When you die you do not get to make a movie or talk to people any more. Leaving messages from beyond the grave is a dramatization produced in Hollywood and is not possible in real life.
• Memorializing someone who died by suicide is not a recommended practice. Decorating someone’s locker who died by suicide and/or taking selfies in front of such a memorial is not appropriate and does not honor the life of the person who died by suicide.
• Hannah’s tapes blame others for her suicide. Suicide is never the fault of survivors of suicide loss. There are resources and support groups for suicide loss survivors.